- (Mama Cheeks on her friend's pomeranian)
- Mama Cheeks: He is so cute! Plus he barks and growls all the time.
- Me: Yup, small dogs tend to do that to over-compensate.
- Mama: Right! He ain't as big as a minute.
- (at the grocery store wif Mama Cheeks)
- *Mama Cheeks picks up a Snowball, aka those NASTY Little Debbie cakes*
- Me: *screwface* Ew, you like those?
- Mama Cheeks: Yes! Ate them all the time at school.
- Me: Mama, NO ONE liked those. They were the reject pastries.
- Mama Cheeks: I did.
- Me: That's weird.
- Mama Cheeks: Yes, I am.
- *I'm with Mama Cheeks and we see a dude with THEE saggiest saggy pants evah.*
- Me: *points* Ooop! Look at that fool.
- Mama Cheeks: Oh my... o_O
- Me: That is a shame.
- Mama Cheeks: *sees chick with him* I wouldn't even WALK with him.
- Me: Hahahaha, forreal, it's like that?
- Mama Cheeks: Yup, I'd get out the car and be like... 'ok, gotta go' and dash outta there.
- Me: *DEAD*
- *Mama Cheeks calls*
- Mama Cheeks: Hey, I was just calling. I had stepped out to go to the store right quick. Good game tonight!
- Me: Yeah! We (#DaBulls) spanked them!
- Mama Cheeks: Like they stole somethin'!
- Me: Yessss!
- Mama Cheeks: There's a cow in the store.
- Me: *Scooby Doo confused bark* ... *bursts into giggles* WHAAAAAA? What do you mean?
- Mama Cheeks: A cow. I guess it's a promo thing for a high school in the area.
- Me: Wait... *still laughing* What do you mean... a cow? Someone is in a cow costume?
- Mama Cheeks: No. A painted cow. You know like the ones (the sculptures) downtown?
- Me: Oh yeah...
- Mama Cheeks: Mmmhmm.
- Me: ... But how you gonna just say that outta context like that?! HAHAHA!
- Mama Cheeks: Because I just saw it in the store!
- Me: I guess.
- Mama Cheeks: It said hi to me.
- Me: *SLAIN*
- There is absolutely no way I EVER question where I got my foolishness from.
(On women who stay in relationships with straying men)
“You call him a dog, but YOU the one who put a collar on him” - Mama Cheeks
*z-snaps*
Mama Cheeks: You were supposed to call me when you got in.
Me: Oh! My bad!!
MC: Mmhmm, you and [Sis Cheeks] don’t care about me…
Me: Mama! I just forgot and I had so much to do and —-
MC: That’s alright, somehow I’ll make it on my own.
Me: *Dead*
And she said it deadpan as hell!!! How can you be dramatic AND deadpan? That’s Mama Cheeks…
- Backstory: So, I told Mama Cheeks to look out for a nigga if she sees any cute, single, worthy guys out at her job.
- Mama Cheeks: There's a manager here who went to Northern (NIU, my alma mater).
- me: Oh, yeah? Niiiice! So you got a Huskie amongst your crew. Cool.
- MC: Yeah, he's in the management program, training us. He's an engineer.
- me: SCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRR (*record scratch in my head*) 'Scuse me, he???
- MC: Yes.
- me: So, um... *actually makes the "move it along" gesture with hands... over the phone*
- MC: Oh, he's getting married.
- me: Eaux. Another one bites the dust, huh?
- MC: Yeah... and he's a little younger than you, so...
- me: Um... huh? You do that too! Known for it, actually.
- MC: Yeah, that's true.
- me: *smug smile*
- Like mother, like daughter. Blame the babyface. No Kenneth Edmonds.
A little backstory.
So… Mama Cheeks always calls me at work. Every day. Never fails. Just because she mama and she wants to talk to me everyday. Aw. Anyway… she always leaves me voicemails at work whenever I’m away from my desk. And in the voicemail, she specifically tells me that she didn’t want anything in particular, she was just calling. Double aw.
Today, though.
Well, today, she had me almost choking on my water with laughing. This was her message, verbatim:
Hi, this is [Mama Cheeks]. You don’t have to call me back, I’m just calling. I know you’re eating now. What did you have for lunch? Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.
…
LMFAOOOOO. Did she just ask me a question on voicemail like we were straight up chit-chatting on the phone? I love that lady.
Bonnie: The way Nephew Cheeks pronounces, “Barney.” Yes, of the annoying hyper-active dinosaur variety.
It’s cute as hell.
Selling Wolf Tickets. country phrase. Definition: Yapping off at the mouth like you all froggy and tough when airbody knows you ain’t gonna do a bit of shit. i.e. Your bark is loud; your bite is nonexistent.
Mama Cheeks using it in a sentence: All these broads at work are a bunch of punks selling wolf tickets, but when push come to shove, they cower away.
